A guest post

This is a post from a blog I read occassionaly.

Thought it was fitting for here.

"An open letter to people without kids."

Dear people without kids,

Hello! I hope you’ve been enjoying doing whatever the heck you want, whenever the heck you want to. There are a few things that those of us with kids would like you to know though. I hope you’ll take a few moments to read the following letter and, more importantly, heed the advice.

Right this second, you are at your most idealistic about parenting. You’ve read all the books, taken all the classes, and discussed all of the popular parenting philosophies. Little do you know, you’ll forget all about your promise to “never shove candy in your kid’s face to get him to shut up” the first time you’re baby decides to freak out in an airplane. I know. I was you.

You close the door too loud. It’s a proven fact that, when a kid is sleeping, the single loudest thing in a house is a closing door. From now on, twist the knob, open, twist the knob again, close. If it makes it easier, pretend you’re a spy or something.

The current TV volume is what we have chosen to be the maximum acceptable volume (also known as the Dan Buice Rule). When our kids are sleeping, take our subtle hints. We’ve chosen volume level 27 for a reason. We’re whispering to each other for a reason. We’re “calling it a night” and escorting you to the door for a reason.

Don’t parent my kids. If I haven’t put a stop to what my kid is doing, don’t feel the need. Chances are, he’s probably used to doing that thing because his parents have previously approved of it.

Men, it is never OK to touch a pregnant woman’s stomach without an invitation. I don’t go around touching your wife’s abs just because I heard she’s been working out, do I? Same thing.

When a baby is freaking out in public, feel sorry for the parents. Sure, you’re natural tendency is to get mad at the infant who is incapable of controlling his emotions. But let me challenge you to redirect that anger into something more worthwhile – sympathy for the parents. They’re the ones in pain.*

Thanks for your time. Enjoy the movie theater!
Tyler

Anything I need to add? This is just a work in progress, so all you parents out there, feel free to give your input.

*It should be noted that I LOVE being a parent and wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world. Most of my advice is a direct result of my own pre-kid ignorance.